In 2018, I had a wild idea. We were two tough years into trying to get pregnant. Brett and I had passed a decade doing long distance, or alternating work trips. We hadn’t spent more than a few weeks together, just us, in years. Over a drink with friends, or in passing to a colleague, I mused about what it would be like to take off, leave it all behind and travel the world – just Brett, me, trees, mountains, ocean and maybe delicious food. I said it as a throwaway, totally unrealistic idea. We both had stable jobs, with companies we felt loyal to. We weren’t leaving our jobs, and definitely not our companies, anytime soon.
When I was younger, I envisioned spending a year backpacking the world, carrying little with me, meeting new people along the way, leaving screens and desks behind. This felt like the same longing popping up again. Don’t get me wrong, I traveled a lot, but I didn’t want a week of vacation, an add-on to a work trip, or a family visit. I wanted a true adventure, time to totally disconnect with the world and connect deeply with Brett and nature.
I remember when that wild idea became real, it was in a pub sitting across from two of our closest friends. I threw out my usual, what would it be like to just take off for months and be able to come back to everything as it was. My friend asked “Where would you go?” South America, it was the only continent I hadn’t traveled yet. (Sorry Antarctica lovers, it doesn’t count. I freeze in a summer breeze, so other than its penguins, the continent holds no appeal for me.) She looked at me honestly, “Why can’t you go?” I was shocked, these were the first people to really take my idea seriously. Good question! Brett and I rattled off the reasons – irresponsible, rent, savings, cut into family trips, selfish at work, boss would never agree etc. Halfway through, she said “Have you even asked?” Nope, we never got that far.
After that night, we started to discuss travel plans seriously. Soon we agreed on two months, Chile, early 2019. We crafted our asks, practiced on each other and eventually made our pitches. I was ready to break out into powerpoint presentation with all my reasons why this would work, when my boss said yes. She had to check with her boss, but she felt it was possible. I was stunned. I’m fairly sure I had to scrape my jaw off the floor and act naturally as I scooted away. I probably blacked out for the rest of the conversation, celebrating in my head, and hoping Brett had a similar answer. When I got home that night, he told me yes!
We found solutions for all the “buts” that had seemed impossible to overcome. Before we knew it, we were buying tickets to Chile, packing our backpacks and off to South America. I switched off my phone, deleted apps, and made a pact with Brett to not check anything at work the entire time. That first week, I felt like an addict getting clean, I had the compulsion to check my email, skype, slack, and message my team. Our pact helped, and soon I was relaxing into a sweetness I had forgotten. We walked the forest, read in the hammock, played cards by the fire, hiked the oceanside, devoured ceviche, trekked the mountains, and soaked in long moments together.
There’s one remote spot on an island off Chile where we stayed in a cabin near a wild coastline, surrounded by golden grasses and trees. This is one of my happy places, even now. Saying the place’s name is like a shortcut to peacefulness, one that can make Brett and I smile or Mmm in acknowledgement to each other. (He just smiled and went Mmm when I read this to him.)
Looking back, it wasn’t the year that mattered. It was the quality time with Brett in nature. The rest and connection we deepened in Chile gave us the extra strength we needed for IVF, for starting our family in a pandemic and for following a whole new passion in my career change.